#52: Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies
Remember how Mary Anne's dad and Dawn's mom were high school sweethearts who were recently reunited in Stoneybrook, fell back in love, and got married? Mary Anne spends the first chapter of reminding you of that fact, as well as how scatterbrained and disorganized Dawn's mom Sharon is (hedge clippers in the bread drawer?!). Oh, yeah, and how Dawn is a super healthy eater.
"Dawn and her mom think it's practically a felony to eat meat. Or sugar. A really great dessert for Dawn is, like, some berries."
- Mary Anne, page 4
Mary Anne and Dawn are eating their after-school snacks and talking about the new class they have to take at Stoneybrook Middle School, called Modern Living, in which they have to learn about marriage, job hunting, family finances, and divorce. I guess this will come in handy because Mary Anne starts baby-sitting for twin babies Ricky and Rose Salem. The big assignment in Modern Living is that two students pair up, get "married," and have to figure out how they would survive as an adult couple; for example, can they make a plan to be financially independent? Mary Anne, of course, "marries" Logan.
"Not to brag or anything, but Logan Bruno is my boyfriend."
- Mary Anne, page 6
Mary Anne and Logan quickly realize that their teenage incomes will not be sufficient to rent an apartment, so they resign themselves to having to live at Mary Anne's house with her family. (Honestly, these days the same thing happens to people in their thirties, so don't feel too bad, Mary Anne and Logan. Must be all that avocado toast. Do they have that in Stoneybrook? I'm sure Dawn would know.)
Mary Anne finds her sitting job for Rose and Ricky to be easy-peasy and thinks she's going to be a great mother and, also, why don't her father and Sharon have or adopt another kid? She'd love a baby sibling and she doesn't see why it would be such a big deal. Well, Mary Anne, maybe because (in the words of Tina Fey as Liz Lemon on 30 Rock), "you're not the one who has to Krang this thing for nine months, poop it out, and then go back to work." Mary Anne is obsessed with the name Tara for a little sister.
Back in Modern Living class, surprise! Each married couple is now the proud parents of a baby (an egg). Leave it to Mary Anne to have an immaculate conception! For the next month, they have to treat the eggs as if they are infants - the eggs can never be left alone and the "parents" have to plan time for feedings, check-ups at the doctor, etc. All of the eighth-graders are doing this project - Stacey and Austin Bentley have an egg baby named Bobby, Dawn and Aaron Albright have an egg baby named Skip (Dawn does not like the name), and Kristy and Alan Gray are "married" and have an egg baby named Izzy. They are pretty intense and create a shoebox "environment" for their son Izzy, complete with a music box and educational materials. Kristy even reads to Izzy the egg at night because of course she does. They also veer into strange delusional territory, talking about Izzy's social-emotional development and worrying about him getting "scrawny." (Reminder: Izzy is an egg.)
Mary Anne and Logan fight for four days over what to name their "daughter"; Mary Anne wants Tara (of course) and Logan wants Sally (???) so they eventually settle on Samantha, Sammie for short. They paint pink flowers and an S on her and make her a little home in a wicker basket. Mary Anne brings Sammie to another sitting job with Ricky and Rosie, which does not go as cutely or smoothly this time. M.A. is realizing that taking care of babies is actually not easy-peasy, especially when there are three of them (even if one is technically an egg).
At the next BSC meeting, Mary Anne is lamenting the fact that Logan is "hogging" Sammie, and she even cries about it. Of course, Stacey remains the voice of reason and sophistication, but she seems to get punished by having to babysit for Bobby and Alicia Gianelli - not only does Bobby have the same name as Stacey's egg-son, but Alicia apparently has an egg phobia (which is a real thing - it's called ovaphobia). The "egg project" is making the BSC a lot more empathetic toward their own parents, especially the single parents; they're realizing how much work babies (and marriage) are. Mary Anne and Logan go on a date to the movies with Sammie in tow and cause a huge scene due to trying to juggle food, drinks, sweaters, and Sammie, nearly getting into a fistfight with a fellow moviegoer, and Mary Anne letting Sammie roll under her seat at one point. Logan freaks out (he's, uh, a bit controlling, eh?) and the two go their separate ways "in a huff" at the end of the night. I never noticed this as a child, but Logan seems like the kind of boyfriend who will someday be a suspect on an episode of "Dateline."
Still, everyone survives the egg baby experiment and their Modern Living class - with an increased appreciation for how hard, expensive, and depressing it is to be an adult - and are ready to move on to Health. (A friend of Logan's mentions that they'll probably get some sex ed, and Mary Anne is still blushing.) Also shout out to whoever ghost-wrote this book because there are some real feminist undertones about "women's work," equality, empathy, and forced motherhood!
