#80: Mallory Pike, #1 Fan
Step right up for another installment in the tragic life of Mallory Pike! In this book, Mallory’s English class has been given an assignment. They have to choose a career they’re interested in, learn about it in a new way, and do some sort of project in which they express what they’ve learned through a written form. Mallory is obsessed with the author Henrietta Hayes, who writes the Alice Anderson series as well as some plays, and Mallory basically wants to be Henrietta when she grows up (which she never will, because in Stoneybrook the same year just cycles over and over, but oh well). Mal decides she’s going to write and direct a play starring some members of the Kids Can Do Anything Club (Becca, Charlotte, Buddy, etc.) and then interview Henrietta Hayes about playwriting and compare their experiences. There’s only one problem: despite apparently living right nearby, Henrietta won’t get in touch with Mallory; she just keeps replying to Mal’s fan mail with form letters.
Undeterred by the fact that Henrietta Hayes obviously has a life, Mallory is determined to track her down and is able to (of course) find her address in the Stoneybrook phone book (the Phoneybook?) - she lives around the corner from Dawn, Mary Anne, and Logan. (Because in the world of the BSC, this shit happens.) Mallory sends a super pushy letter directly to Henrietta’s home address (not creepy at all) and waits for a response. Okay, I’m being a little judgy re: Mallory here, but I acknowledge that if Judy Blume lived around the corner from me I’d be following her to brunch weekly.
Unfortch, Mallory receives yet another form letter. Since taking a hint has never been her strong suit, Mallory gathers her gumption, jumps on her bike, and huffs and puffs to Henrietta Hayes’ literal house and walks right up and knocks on the door. Alexa, play “Stan” by Eminem. Shockingly, Henrietta does not dial 9-1-1; she invites Mallory inside for hot chocolate and answers all her questions. Then she hires Mallory to be her assistant for three weeks while she works on two big projects. Okay, I take it back — Mallory’s life isn’t tragic; she is live-laugh-love BLESSED. As her sister Claire would say, NOFE AIR.
Meanwhile, Mallory’s play (based suuuper subtly on her own family) is, predictably, awards-worthy:
I mean… yeah. Stacey warns Mallory that her family may not react well to their portrayals in the play, but Mallory, like, grows a beret on her head and exclaims dramatically about how a writer must be able to write about their own raw experiences. Stacey’s like, “k.” Later, when Mallory does more background research about Henrietta Hayes, she learns that Henrietta’s family died in a fire when she was young, that she was raised by foster parents, that she had a rough marriage and bitter divorce from her husband, and that her only child died at age 18 in a hit-and-run accident. Mallory is stunned because Henrietta’s books are warm and cozy and about a close-knit family. Mallory feels betrayed because she is convinced authors have to “write what they know” but Henrietta doesn’t seem to have done that at all. Still, she loves Henrietta’s books and they feel authentic. So…
The truth is that the Pike kids are pissed about Mallory’s play and decide to picket it. And Mallory is a total asshole to Henrietta Hayes, accusing her of being a liar because her books aren’t based on her real life. Henrietta is like, “bitch, look up fiction in the dictionary,” and Mal quits her assistant job. Smooth move, Ferguson."
At home, the Pike kids are literally picketing in front of Mal’s bedroom, and Mrs. Pike is like, “I’d better come see a sneak peek of this play.” Mrs. Pike is not impressed, and the actors in the play quit because they don’t want to be dicks to their friends. Mallory begs them to wait and let her rewrite the play and they agree. Mallory finally realizes that emotional truth, not literal truth, is what makes a story entertaining, interesting, and worthwhile. She goes to Henrietta Hayes and apologizes. (GOOD.) And then, of course, her play goes well and she gets an A+ on her project, and Henrietta Hayes even mentions her on the Acknowledgements page of her new book. PRETTY FRIGGIN’ LUCKY, MAL.
